


Cheap Trick and a Cheesy One Liner

by flawlessassholes



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Character Study, M/M, Past Drug Use, Slice of Life, Steve Tony Appreciation Celebration Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:58:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawlessassholes/pseuds/flawlessassholes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony knew the book deal would come eventually. This was America, the publishing industry was vicious, and if anything happened to anyone, they got a book deal. Tony was actually surprised he wasn’t offered one earlier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheap Trick and a Cheesy One Liner

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Cheap Trick and a Cheesy One Liner](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1946682) by [chrischi817](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrischi817/pseuds/chrischi817)



> HAPPY STEVETONY FEST SORCERER-SUPREME-PIZZA!!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!!!

Tony knew the book deal would come eventually. This was America, the publishing industry was vicious, and if anything happened to anyone, they got a book deal. Tony was actually surprised he wasn’t offered one earlier. He did have some concerns, though.

 “I can’t write.” He complained to the editor assigned to his book.

 “You can’t write, or you won’t?” The editor responded, the clickity-clack of a distant keyboard coming through the phone.

 Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m an engineer, not an author. I can’t write.”

 He heard the editor sigh. “You think Snooki wrote her book by herself? Of course not. We’ll send someone out for a long weekend, they’ll interview you and work with you on your autobiography, and then they’ll work your words into a book. Voila.”

 Tony supposed that sounded okay.

 ---

The guy he was assigned to was named Peter Parker, and he was an alright guy, more a kid than anything. He gave a whole list of impressive credentials about school and publishers, but Tony just shrugged. “As long as you make me sound good, you’re fine.” He assured.

 They set themselves up in Tony’s study. It had originally been Howard’s study, but Tony had finally finished remodeling his childhood mansion, and now it was Tony’s study. It was comfortable, and there was a large fireplace, and plenty of room for Peter to take notes. It was secluded, too, at the other end of the house where they wouldn’t be interrupted by the stray avenger or roaming puppy.

 "Should we start with the beginning?” Peter asked Tony, once he had gotten settled.

 “I had turkey bacon for breakfast.” Tony supplied helpfully.

 Peter smiled, and shook his head. “No, I mean at the beginning of your life. Your parents?”

 “Maria Collins Carbonell Stark and Howard Anthony Stark.”

 “Italian?”

 He nodded. “Oh yeah, on both sides. Many a summer spent vacationing in Italy when I was younger, when my dear old man didn’t have to work.”

 “He have to work a lot?”

 “Of course. He ran one of the most powerful, and largest military contractors in the world. Of course he was a busy man.” Tony said. “He worked to end World War Two, he invented so many incredible things. Of course he was busy.”

 “Did he have much time for his only son then?”

 Tony sighed. And so it began.

 ---

 “I don’t understand, can you walk me through it again?”

 “I don’t know how to explain it better, engineering just came to me. I just looked at an old engine on my old man’s work table one day and put it back together.”

 Peter still looked confused. “You just knew?”

 “It was like muscle memory. A sixth sense.”

 “Was your dad proud?”

 Tony smiled. “He was surprised, of course, but in the end, he was proud. Took me and my mom out to get ice cream. I was… about three and a half? Four, maybe?”

 ---

 “Sushi?”

 "Mmm?” Steve looked up from where he was nodding off. “Babe, I’m down for the count. I’ve already got on my sweats.”

 Tony sighed. He was twitchy for some reason, he wanted to go somewhere, do something. Steve had been out working all day, whereas Tony had been sitting and talking about himself all day. “Come on, let’s go out and be the young, attractive, fashionable gay New York socialites we are.”

 Steve snorted. “‘Young’, ‘attractive’, and ‘fashionable’, are all incorrectly used words to describe us. Just order take-out. I could go for a massive chicken parm. Or Five Guys.”

 “You’re so boring. It’s Friday night, and you’re about to fall asleep. It’s not even eight-thirty.”

 There was a rustling as Steve shifted on the couch. “Mmmhmm. Whatever you say, Hon. I’m boring, I know. Go get Five Guys. Or wings!”

 Tony rolled his eyes, but also picked up his phone, because he was hungry and he loved Steve. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

 “Mmm?”

 Great, the lug was already halfway to slumber. “Do… you know, are you, like, is it okay to talk about… us? In the book?”

 Steve peered out of one half-lidded eye. “Are you worried about that? The book? It wasn’t supposed to be stressful, Tony, we talked about that.”

 “No, no, I’m not stressed, I’m just…” Tony sighed. He didn’t exactly know how he felt in regards to the book. Maybe he was just being a nancy about having all his personal intimate details written down by someone else. It wasn’t the public knowing about it, no, because the public knew about everything when it came to Tony’s Private Life, or so it seemed. No, he was more worried about seeing it written down, on paper. As if it made all his mistakes official.

 He confessed this to Steve. “It just seems so real, my past. I don’t want to have to read it. It’s bad enough having to describe it all to this guy, as nice as he is.”

 It took Steve a moment to muse on this. “Well, you don’t have to read it, number one, because you’ve already lived it. And number two, your past is already real. It’s already official. This book isn’t validating anything. You said it yourself, you knew a book deal would come eventually. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. But I think it will be good for you.” He said.

 “Plus,” He added, reaching for the remote. “I want to hear my ass described in glorious detail.”

 ---

 “No, no, high school was uneventful. I mean, Philip's Academy was fantastic, I loved every second and the teachers were grand, I’ll send my kids there someday, if that’s something Steve and I decide to do, it’s just that there’s not much excitement when you’re a fourteen-year-old 12th grader. In high school I mostly just kept my head down and got my degree and won awards. I was just waiting for college. For some reason, even as a kid, I thought college was going to be some grand haven of math, science, and babes.”

Peter smiled, typing. “And was it?”

 “Fuck yeah it was.” Tony laughed.

 “So a boy genius is going to apply to college. What does that entail?”

 Tony thought for a moment. “Well, I graduated high school and got offers of what schools wanted me. I got offers from everywhere. I really focused in on three, CalTech, Georgia Tech, and--”

 “And MIT.” Peter interrupted.

 “Exactly. I also thought about going overseas, to Cambridge, but my mother was a little queasy about sending a fifteen year old to England. I made it there eventually, but for the time being-- well, no offense to Georgia Tech, which was my second choice, but MIT was my father’s school, and my Grandfather’s school. Stark Men go to MIT, so that’s where I went.” Tony explained as Peter typed.

 “But why should college be any different than high school? You were still young when you enrolled, what, fifteen? Why would your college experience be any different than your high school experience?”

 He crossed his legs. “There’s a world of difference between fifteen and fourteen. I’m not a big man, but I did get a bit of a growth spurt that year. I shaved for the first time. And-- I mean, I was a cocky bastard. Freshman year of college is when I had my first drink, lost my virginity, built my first real robot. College was just different, I’m not a psychologist, but college is when I wanted to be grown up, so I acted grown up.”

 “But what about the moral dilemma of sleeping with a minor? These kids had to be eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Plus underage drinking.”

 Tony sighed. “Well, yeah, of course there was that. The girl I lost my virginity to, sweet girl, she was seventeen, so there wasn’t really a problem there. But the drinking age back then was lower, or at least it was easier to get alcohol. And I met Rhodey there too, he looked out for me. He was seventeen for the first semester, so we were both young, and he became my first friend.”

 “And you’re referring to Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes, correct?” Peter typed, not looking up from his laptop screen.

 “Yeah, Rhodey. He was on scholarship for ROTC, what a cutie. We were assigned to the same dorm, and we fell in together. He was great. Kicked my ass in all the academics that weren’t math and science, always could drink more than me, not that he wanted to. No, he was the responsible one.” Tony remembered fondly. “Love him. He’s still my best friend. Best man, too.” The wedding hadn’t come up yet, but Tony knew it was coming soon.

 “College in general was a blur.” Tony admitted.

 “I’m sure it was.” Peter said. Tony knew he wasn’t judging, the kid wasn’t like that. He was just commenting. For some reason it made Tony feel better. “Um.”

“What is it?”

 “Well, in my outline, this is the part where I ask you about the death of your parents.”

 Tony paused. “Right.”

 He was quiet for a few more minutes. “Well, I mean, this is the story of my life. And my parents dying is a part of my life. I knew we’d get here eventually. I mean, it was a long time ago.”

 “It was drunk driving, right?”

 “Not officially. The coroner's report says my father hydroplaned, but I mean, he was coming back from a party, and I didn’t become an alcoholic by chance. He was a drunk, always was. A great man, very smart, but he was a drunk. And… he killed my mother. He was an old bastard, he could of gone fine, wouldn’t have been missed that much. But my mother--” Tony sighed.

 “She was radiant. She light up every room she walked into, she sure had my dad whipped into shape. She ran so many charities in her spare time, she wouldn’t dare sit around being just a housewife. She was so, so, lovely.”

 “You created the Maria Stark Foundation in her name.” Peter supplied.

 “Oh yeah, that was one of the first things I did after I got my life back on track after their death.”

 “Back on track?”

 Tony shifted in his seat. He didn’t want to talk about this part, the past he was embarrassed of, the past that seemed to coincide with everyone’s expectations of him perfectly.

 “Well, I was seventeen, depressed, out of college, heir to a massive fortune and company, the company that of which I had a few years before I had to run.”

 “And you turned to substance abuse.”

 “Yes.” He sounded so small when he said it, like he was twenty and asking for help again.

 “Do you want to put this in the book?”

 Again, he answered yes.

 “I didn’t want to be in New York anymore, not in this house, not where I could feel my father looming over me at any moment. I spent some time in England, got pissed every night, visited my godmother, who tried to get me to stop. She’s a dame. I got bored, moved back to Boston, drank myself sick, went out to California when I was bored with Boston, fucked supermodels and smoked weed, then ecstasy, and cocaine. I got hooked on coke, for a little bit, nothing too serious that I wasn’t able to kick within a year. Drinking stayed with me, cigarettes, too. California was nice, though, decided to stay there. Built a house in Malibu, the worst kind of bachelor pad you’ve ever seen.”

 He paused. “I didn’t have the heart to rebuild it, not just yet. Bad memories in that house. I suppose we’ll get to that later.”

 “Turned twenty-one, moved my company out there, started running Stark Industries and casually revolutionizing modern warfare.”

 Peter paused in his note taking. “You sound very blase about your drug use.”

 Tony shrugged. “I’m really just putting on a front.” He smiled, even though it hurt his chest a little to say it. “I’ll probably blubber to Steve later. But what can I say? It was the mid-nineties. Every celeb in the mid-nineties has a sob story about drug use. Most of us were able to turn our lives around. I was smart enough.” 

“Let’s talk about stocks for a little bit. When you entered Stark Industries, the price of--” 

\---

“So you talked about the drug thing today, huh?” Steve asked as they were settling into bed for the evening.

“Yeah.” Tony said, as he put away his tablet. “Wait, how did you know?”

Steve didn’t answer.

“You fucking snoop. You listened at the door, didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t help myself! I’m worried about him asking you all these questions, I just wanted to see how you were handling it. Besides, I wasn’t there for a long time. I had that lunch meeting to go to.” Steve seemed unconcerned with the fact that he had intruded on Tony’s private information. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before, and Tony supposed he wasn’t mad either.

“You know, if you wanted to, you could just come in and listen.”  Tony said, shaking his head and settling under the covers.

“Well, I know that. But I want to read it for myself.” Steve said, reaching to his bedside table and turning off the lamp. Darkness filled the room.

He really should try and get some sleep, he and Peter had quite a bit to cover the next day, as it was the last day the guy was going to be getting information before they began the book writing process. Not that Tony really understood, or wanted to understand, the book writing process.

That meant that tomorrow they’d be discussing the kidnapping, the whole thing with Stane, the Avengers, his and Steve’s relationship. He’d get to discuss the fun stuff, like the wedding and dating, but it also meant that he had to talk about death a lot. He didn’t like talking about death. He’d also have to talk to them about the whole Pepper thing, which was never a fun subject.

He checked his phone, charging on the bedside table next to him, and saw that it had gone from midnight to two a.m. in a practical blink of an eye.

Steve rustled in the covers and rolled over. “I know you’re awake.” He murmured. “I can practically hear you thinking.”

Tony sighed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I woke up on my own.” Steve brought his hand to rest on Tony’s abdomen, and started rubbing it in slow, big circles. “I can help.” He murmured, bringing his lips to Tony’s ear. He dragged his hand down his stomach, following Tony’s happy trail, until his hand was grasping Tony’s cock.

Tony groaned. “I’m always so down for your ideas.”

Steve grinned against Tony’s ear, before nibbling on it gently. He curled his hand into a loose fist, and slowly started to jerk Tony’s cock, up and down, until Tony was groaning and writhing. “Come, baby, it’ll help you sleep.”

He thrust up into Steve’s hand a few more times, before coming into Steve’s hand. Tony rolled over and kissed Steve, slow and gentle, thanking him. He reached for a tissue next to the lamp, and cleaned off Steve’s hand and his cock.

“Like a goddamn teenager.” Steve said, cuddling against Tony.

“Like a goddamn teenager.” Tony agreed, before promptly falling asleep.

\--- 

“Good morning, Peter.” Tony said, meeting the kid at the front door of the house.

“Morning.” Peter seemed surprised that Tony too was walking up the front walk to the house.

“Got coffee for us. No need to start so early without coffee, sounds downright torturous.” Tony said, holding up two cardboard cups.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Thank you.” He said, taking the cup and inhaling deeply before taking a  large gulp. “This stuff’s good!” He said, his eyebrows raising. “Better than Starbucks.”

“Definitely better than Starbucks. It’s this place called Jittery Joe’s. It’s great.”

“Never heard of it.” Peter said, following Tony inside as he unlocked the door.

“Gotta know where to look.” He said, before stopping in the hall briefly and hanging up his coat. “Steve, you home?” Tony called, his voice echoing through the house. “Guess not. Must have gone into work today, that bastard. Told him to take the day off.”

Peter drank some more. “You two seem very domestic for--”

“For what, superheros? Yeah, I know. He’s kind of an asshole, he’s all lazy after saving the world, so we have no other choice than to be domestic. Gave me a handy when I couldn’t sleep last night, though, don’t let anyone tell you that marriage isn’t fucking awesome, cause it is.” Tony said, as they wound through the halls of the mansion.

“Do you guys have a really active sex life?”

“Why, you wanna join in?” Tony retorted.

The kid blushed. “No, I mean, no, but I just--”

“It’s fine. I just wanna know if  you can only ask questions. Do you only think in question marks?” Tony opened a door, and there was the room that they had been in for so long this weekend.

“Home sweet home.” The Peter guy said.

Tony chuckled. “Well, pull out your laptop, let’s get started.”

After a few more minutes of set up and small talk, they were set up and ready to get back at it.

They covered the first few years of the company with ease. They managed to get through the kidnapping with Tony only having trouble with one question.

“It was… it was nothing you’ve ever felt, nothing you could imagine. I could feel every movement, every piece pulled out.” His eyes were distant. “I passed in and out of consciousness for a while. Thank god that he had steady hands, that he was able to get in and out without… without botching it or… without infection. He was a good man, Yinsen. I would trust no other with my heart. And… I mean, sometimes I have nightmares about it. Maybe instead of letting me pass out, he should have just hit me over the head with a rock. I guess he was against rudimentary anesthesia.”

“He died.”

“Yeah.” Again, he was far away. It was years ago, he should…

He wanted to switch subjects as soon as possible. He expressed this concern to Peter.

“Let’s talk about Steve.”

Steve. At last. A safe topic, one he could go on and on about.

“You hated each other when you first met, is that correct?”

“Yeah, fuck that guy.” Tony tried to laugh, although he was still a little shaky from the last topic. “I mean, we were both assholes. He was grieving, and I was on the rocks with Pepper, and the circumstances weren’t exactly great.”

Tony sighed, and ploughed forward, he hadn’t admitted this to any, even Steve. “I actually had a huge hero-worship thing going on with him as a child. I had all the swag, posters, stuffed toys. I looked up to him more than anything. He kind of let me down, at first, but then we both stopped being assholes and got together.”

“Were you gay as a child?”

“Let’s actually talk about that sexuality thing, okay? Okay, because like, people have been calling us gay, and that’s totally incorrect. Steve, for one, is firmly bisexual, and I don’t believe in labeling my sexuality. Steve is attracted to men, and he is attracted to women, not men exclusively. Let’s just, let’s just set that straight, okay?” Tony stated, his hand cutting Peter off, who was about to speak. “And also, for another thing, I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I’ve slept with other men before Steve, okay?”

Peter looked uncomfortable. “Right. I wasn’t accusing you of anything, you know--”

“No, I know. I just… let’s make sure I sound real firm in that part of the book.”

He nodded.

“So, we dated for a while, we were attractive, fashionable, young, gay socialites--” 

“Steve told me not to put that in the book, because he said you were lying.” Peter said.

Tony shook his head. “Okay, listen, Steve’s a fucking liar, and when did you talk to Steve?”

“He… communicated some concerns.” Peter looked uncomfortable again.

“He did? What an ass. Actually, he wanted me to describe his ass well, and I want to set the record straight. He’s got a fat ass, and he’s ugly. I hate him, and we’re getting a divorce.”

Peter, surprisingly, did not look amused.

“I-- fine. He’s the love of my life. I mean, our wedding was broadcasted on tv, for god’s sake. We promised to love each other for forever, and I’m excited for forever. I want everything with Steve. Our home, a family, to someday end up old and farting in bed, not having sex in years. Not that it will end like that, but I’m prepared if it does.” He smiled fondly. “It’s hard to put into words how much I love him. I hope that you can help with that.”

Peter nodded. “I hope I can.”

\---

 

_**CHEAP TRICK AND A CHEESY ONE LINER** _

 

“I can’t believe you titled it that.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

“I can’t believe it’s finished. It only took six thousand years.” Tony said, signing it and handing it back to the young girl who squealed and scurried off. “Have you read it yet?” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Impossible, the baby’s keeping me up all night.”

“Wah. You’re the one who wanted the little bastard.”

“He’s your sperm.”

“We’re surrounded by adoring fans, please, Steve.” Tony signed another copy. “My agent’s already discussing a movie deal. I want to be played by Robert Downey Jr.”

“Who will I be played by?” Steve asked, stealing Tony’s bottle of water.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Ryan Gosling, maybe?”

\---

_Note from the Other Author_

_When I was tasked to write this book, I was excited for what it would do to my career. However, this truly is Mr. Stark’s book. The way he told his life to me, I could do more than transcribe it onto paper. He is every bit as funny, wise, and inspiring as he seems on these pages._

_He also named his son after me. So suck on that, bitches!_

\---

A few months later, when Steve finally had a second to breath, he reached for Tony’s book, that had been sitting on the bedside table for quite some time. He flipped through a few pages, and found the dedications page. Peter had dedicated it to his publisher. Tony, however, was entirely predictable.

 

_S.R._

_it is so good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done_

_-vvg_

 

It was the quote that had adorned their wedding invitations, one that summed up their relationship so well.

Steve decided to put the book down and go kiss his husband.


End file.
